I was rereading my blurty entries the other day, to feel the nostalgia :-), and I noticed that in my post from last March about Matt’s show at Slim’s, I had made a comment about the guy that came up and talked to me, saying, “I need more gay friends.” I wanted to clarify what I meant by that, because I think it could be misconstrued.
I think it’s great how gay culture is getting more acceptance, at least in more enlightened areas of society. It’s now cool to think gay people are cool…and that’s great.
Here’s what I don’t like, though. In post Will and Grace era pop culture, there is this idea floating around that gay men exist solely to be “every girl’s best friend.” Think Rupert Everett from My Best Friend’s Wedding. And while that idea is kind of funny to toss around onscreen, in real life I think it translates as being somewhat nauseatingly demeaning. I mean…way to classify a whole segment of the population as nothing more than cute little puppy dogs, you know? LAME! And I’d hate to come across as one of those self centered little giggly bitches who would be all, “I need more guys to be Will to my Grace…” as in “I need more guys to adore me without expecting anything and go shoe shopping with me!” EEWWW….
So, let me tell the story of the guy that talked with me at Slim’s to illustrate what I actually DID mean.
First off, let me explain what happens when straight guys talk to a girl at a party or a club. And it doesn’t matter whether he is 16 or 96, whether he is hideous and she is Julia Roberts, whether he is married, or whether he’s a priest or monk. This is what happens. He immediately puts her into one of two categories: “I want to do her” or “I don’t want to do her.” And in either case, as he converses with said girl, a sort of glaze comes over his eyes and his demeanor which colors the entire exchange. If he wants to do her, the glaze results from the fact that he is devoting 2% of his brain to keeping just enough track of the conversation to be able to respond if asked a question, and the rest is consumed with trying to figure out how to get her undies around her ankles. If he does NOT want to do her, the glaze results from the utter boredom and revulsion of being forced to interact with a female that he does not want to do.
Either way…newsflash, gentlemen! WE ARE AWARE OF IT! You are not that damn slick. No guy is.
So, when this guy at Slim’s started up a convo with me, I got neither one of those vibes from him. He was completely interested in what I was saying, but not in a sexual way at all. Almost like he was talking with a fellow human being or something! Imagine! As refreshing as it was, it was a little disconcerting because I didn’t know how to read him. Then, about 5 minutes in, he refered to his “partner” and from the way the crinkles around his eyes and mouth got all soft and his eyes went sweet and happy when he said it, it was clear he wasn’t talking about the guy he started his investment banking firm with, you know?
And then it hit me. I need more gay guy friends. It would be so utterly relaxing and incredible to be able to associate with guys, to really be myself, to have that awesome masculine energy and influence in my life, without having to constantly wonder if I was on their “do-able” list or not. If I was making the grade. If I was good enough. Because, in my experience anyway, straight guys can’t really work up the motivation to even be friends with girls that they don’t have, at the very least, just a slight little bit of interest in banging. And if you slide off their “do-able” list you can be pretty sure you’re off their roster of friends as well. Nothing dramatic, no big blow out or anything, just don’t expect return phone calls anytime soon. (oh, hi, hello TAYLOR) It would be such a relief just to be myself.
So, maybe that’s still shallow and self-centered, but not (I don’t think) as shallow as just wanting to be surrounded by a bunch of adoring guys that make me the center of attention, which is how i fear the comment came off before.
This whole train of thought makes me consider, though, that if only straight guys could master the skill of real interaction, to be able to view women as fellow human beings, to put their sex drives aside long enough to have a decent conversation without just nodding intently to *show* how much they are interested and listening, but actually to BE interested and listening….GOD. That would be awesome.
And the irony is that the first guy who actually figures out how to do that will get laid more than he knows how to handle. 🙂