Drugs Delaney’s Letter to Dunph from Outside Providence
One of the greatest scenes from one of the most underrated movies of all times, Outside Providence. Just like this scene, the movie itself works on so many levels. It’s also one of Alec Baldwin’s most memorable performances, as Old Man Dunphy. It’s just a fantastic, fantasic movie. If you haven’t seen it, seek it out!
The scene is transcribed below the video!
Dean Mort: Do you have a friend called Drugs?
Dunphy: Drugs Delaney?
Mr. Funderburk: How many individuals named drugs could you possibly associate with?
Dunphy: Just one.
Dean Mort: Yesterday we received a letter addressed simply to Cornwall Academy, Cornwall, Connecticut. So naturally, we opened it and read it, and – you might want to sit down. It begins –
What’s happening? I got your letter today. Cornhole Academy sounds like it really sucks the big one. I can’t believe they make everyone work a lot and not smoke. You should tell that piece of shit Funderturd to shove it. You didn’t want to go there in the first place. Eat shit, man. Today you should have seen me and Mousy today at school today.
Drugs Delaney: We got cocked on a pint of Blackberry brandy and ate some T.H.C. on the bus. We were fucked. This teacher, Mr. Rivera, goes — “What’s wrong with you Delaney?” I go, “I’m totally FUCKED man!”
Dean Mort: Everybody laughed like a bastard.
Drugs Delaney: Oh man, you should – You should see this song I’m listenin’ to, man.
Dean Mort: It’s called, “Don’t Bogart That Joint, My Friend.” I think it’s by a group called —
This is a couple of hours later. Must have nodded out, man.
Drugs Delaney: I gotta go, cause I’m probably definately gonna nod out again.
Dean Mort: You want me to send you some Squeef, or you got enough? Good luck not getting caught.
Cocked in Rhode Island,
Drugs Delaney: Drugs. P.S….
Dean Mort: Oh yes, there’s a post script you might be interested in. Mousy says he stink-fingered Bunny Cody. As you might imagine Mr. Dunphy, this is fairly incriminating. Technically, you have not breached any of Cornwall Academy’s rules. But you can bet your bottom dollar, Mister. We’re going to be keeping an eye on you.